You're Not Alone
by Diana McKenzie
Summary: 'Berto discovers things about Max. M/B slash. Sorry, I suck at summaries. My first MS fic. Be gentle


Title: "You're Not Alone"  
Author: Diana McKenzie  
Rating: PG  
Author's Notes: This is my first Max Steel fic, so be gentle please! The song, if you don't know, is "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden (what a wonderful song!). I don't own it, and I don't own any of the Max Steel characters either. BTW, this is Max/'Berto slashyness. R/R  
  
  
  
  
::When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned its back on you  
Give me a moment please  
To tame your wild, wild heart::  
  
  
It was dark there. Neon 'atmospheric' lighting was how he described the faint glow that was being emitted from the various control panels. But he wasn't touching anything. The view-screen was black. No static, and no moving images. 'Berto leaned back in his chair, contemplating. He was concerned about Max. There was no denying it. 'Berto didn't pride himself on being the most observant person around, but it was clear even to him, that something was troubling the young man. But of course, he would brush away any questions if you were to pose them. He was Max. That was his way. But 'Berto wanted, no, needed to know what was wrong.   
He got up from his chair, and made his way out of the control room. He felt the comforting warmth from his jacket as he slipped into it. It was late now. Normally, he would have left N-Tek, and gone home hours ago. But, he wasn't exactly feeling normal at that moment.   
Pushing the button, he called for the elevator. From a distance, he could hear the cage crawling up to his floor. But something caught his eye. A tiny ray of light was shining from the bottom of a door frame. A conference room. This one was more or less unused. So who would be in there? The doors to the elevator slid open, but 'Berto ignored them, and moved towards the other door. He turned the handle, and opened it cautiously.   
You could easily have believed that it was empty - that someone had simply forgotten to turn off the lights. But the figure sitting on the deep window ledge, legs outstretched told another story. 'Berto entered the room, unnoticed by the figure, whom was seemingly transfixed in the night sky of Del Oro. He would know that dark-haired figure anywhere.  
  
"Max?"   
  
He never took his eyes from the window as he replied questioningly.   
  
"'Berto? What are you doing here?"  
  
'Berto raised an eyebrow. "I was about to ask you the same question hermano."  
  
There was no reply. 'Berto sighed, and walked over to the window ledge. He seized a chair from the conference table, pulled it closer to the other young man, and sat down.  
  
"I just want to be alone for a while 'Berto."  
  
He leant his elbows on the arm rest of the chair, and rested his chin in his palms. "Tough. Max, I know something's bothering you, and trust me, I'm not the only one who's noticed."  
  
"Nothing's bothering me bro. I'm fine."  
  
"Don't try to pacify me with that one. You're lying."  
  
  
::I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
It's hard to find relief  
And people can be so cold::  
  
Once again, silence was the only reply that 'Berto got. This was more worrying still. Max wasn't known for being quiet for more than a few minutes. But it was starting to get irritating.   
  
"Max, I want to help, whatever it is that's bothering you, but I can't try to help unless you talk to me."  
  
More silence. 'Berto was about to try again, but he was cut off.  
"Bro, even if I told you, you wouldn't understand. Not in a million years."  
  
'Berto reached out and touched his friend's arm. "Try me."  
  
Max shook his head. "No 'Berto. You don't want to hear it, trust me."  
  
"Max, would I really be here now if I didn't want to hear this? Come on hermano, share with me here."  
  
The room was still. It was a very small, quiet voice that answered.   
  
"I don't know who I am anymore, 'Berto."  
  
'Berto sat there, stunned and confused. That was not what he had been expecting.  
  
"What do you mean, Max?"  
  
"You call me Max, bro, but is that who I really am? Am I just Max Steel now? Am I still Josh McGrath? Am I both of them, or neither of them? I just don't know anymore."  
  
'Berto bit on his bottom lip. He didn't really know what to say to that. So he let Max carry on talking.  
  
"I'm everything for everyone, you know? But I can never work out when I'm just me. When I'm doing anything for me."  
  
The young man brought his knees to his chest, and hugged them close, always looking straight ahead.   
  
"Don't you feel you're just you now?" 'Berto asked him.  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I don't know. I'm Max right now aren't I? Or am I? Josh came first. You'd think that would give him priority. But I hardly ever get chance to just be Josh any more. It's like Max has killed him. So where does that leave me? With a murderer? Not being able to be the guy I used to be, because he's so rarely around, everyone has forgotten him? Does it leave me sounding insane that you think I've finally lost my marbles?"  
  
'Berto shook his head. "I don't think you're crazy, hermano."  
  
::When darkness is upon your door  
And you feel like you can't take anymore…  
Let me be the one you call  
If you jump, I will break your fall.  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.::  
  
He heard the young man give a small, huffing sigh.   
  
"Now you're the one who's lying, 'Berto."  
  
"No way, hermano, it's the world that's crazy, not the people in it."  
  
"Interesting way of looking at things."  
  
"I guess." He broke off for a moment, letting the silence enter again. "Max, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"  
  
He shrugged. "When would I have had the time?"  
  
'Berto thought about that. He had a point. The two of them didn't see each other that much, away from N-Tek. He was sorry for that. He might have been able to see the change in his friend earlier if they saw each other more. But he could change what was in the past. They had to deal with the here and now.   
  
"Well, forget the past, we've got time now. And I want to do what I can, Max, I really do."  
  
"I can't forget the past, 'Berto, anymore than I can forget my own name."  
  
But then he remembered that he had forgotten his own name. Or at least, which one it really was.  
  
::If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart.  
If you need to crash  
Then crash and burn  
You're not alone.::  
  
"Max?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Will you look at me?"  
  
He watched Max's shoulder's stiffen. "Why?"  
  
"Well, because you're making me wonder what's so interesting out of that window."  
  
"I don't want to look at you 'Berto."  
  
The young Hispanic man felt slightly hurt. Why did he not want to look at him. He asked him.  
  
"Because I don't want you to see me like this."  
  
"Like what, Max?"  
  
Sighing, Max swung his legs so they hung off the deep ledge, and turned to face his partner. 'Berto looked at his friend. He had been crying. His red eyes, and damp cheeks showed it clearly. He understood now why Max hadn't wanted him to see his face. He wasn't someone who opened up easily, and 'Berto had never seen him cry before.   
  
"I can't let go of it 'Berto. I just can't."  
  
"The past, you mean?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Why, Max?"  
  
A look of hurt crept into the young man's eyes, almost as though he was surprised and shocked that his partner didn't understand.  
  
"Because I'd be insulting too many people, 'Berto! Betraying their memories! My mo-."  
  
He cut himself off, looking as though someone had slapped him around the face.  
  
"Your mom and dad, hermano?"  
  
Max looked down at his hands, and nodded.  
  
"Come on, you wanted to say whatever it was. Don't stop now."  
  
He looked as though he was tripping over his own tongue trying to put what was going through his head into words.   
  
"I - my - it's…" He took a deep breath and started again. "They died on the Joshua, they went down, but I survived. I mean, I know Dad's been great, but, it's just…I don't remember them, bro. And I should. Dammit, 'Berto, I should be able to. If I don't remember them, who will?"  
  
"Max, you were a child then. No-one expects you to-"  
  
"Well what if I expect myself to remember, 'Berto? What if I want to remember the people who gave me life, who helped to raise me for that time, who thought they'd be around longer than that?"  
  
'Berto watched as Max drew his legs back up onto the ledge, and folding them on top of his knees, sunk his head deep into the protective shield that they offered, until all that was visible of his head was a mass of dark hair.   
  
::When you feel all alone,  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
You're caught in a one way street  
With the monsters in your head.::  
  
The young man's voice dropped to a whisper, and though he couldn't be sure, 'Berto swore that he heard muffled sobs from beneath Max's hands.   
  
"If Josh has gone, then that's the end of their legacy. The end of me. And then I've truly forgotten them."  
  
"Max, I-I don't know what to say to you, but you haven't done anything wrong. None, of this, none if it is your fault. Not the accident, not your Mom and Dad, none of it."  
  
"You say that, 'Berto," Max mumbled back, his voice sounding hoarse, "but you don't believe it. You know as well as I do that the only reason Max Steel even exists is because I was stupid, because I made a mistake." He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. "Because I was an idiot."  
  
'Berto wasn't having that for one moment. Before he realised what he was doing, he had jumped to his feet, and had taken Max by the shoulders, and was trying to look him in the eye.  
  
"No hermano! I'm not letting you say that! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone does things that they might end up regretting, but that doesn't make them idiots. It doesn't make you and idiot. It makes you human."  
  
Max shook his head.   
  
"You're the scientist 'Berto. You know, when it comes down to it, I'm supposed to be more than human."  
  
"So you've got technology inside you! It doesn't mean you don't feel. You still hurt, you're showing me that now. You still get happy, you still get angry, stubborn, you still cry…"  
  
"But maybe I don't want to anymore! Maybe I'd rather that I did become a machine. Forget everything that's gone wrong, all my mistakes…everything that does make me human."  
  
::When hopes and dreams are far away  
And you feel like you can't face the day…  
Let me be the one you call  
If you jump, I will break your fall,  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.::  
  
'Berto could almost feel his heart breaking. He couldn't bear listening to Max talk like that. Not when he was normally so full of life. He'd much rather see that side of Max.   
  
'Berto stopped himself. That's what everyone was doing. Only wanting to see the Max that was happy, his entertaining, witty side. That's why he had been reduced to this: because nobody had been there, and nobody had listened. No-one had seen that he was hurting inside. And 'Berto knew he'd be damned if he was going to walk out on Max when he needed him the most. He hated seeing the young man suffer. It hurt 'Berto almost as though it were him that were hurting. Dammit, he wanted to protect Max, comfort him if he could, even though he was not a man of many words. He wanted to do what he could. Because Max was close to him, so close, and he loved him dearly.   
  
::If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart.  
If you need to crash,  
Then crash and burn,  
You're not alone.::  
  
'Berto found himself taking the hands that were firm on Max's shoulders and moving them, wrapping them around the young man, holding him gently, but firmly. He was surprised at himself making the action, but was even more surprised when Max leant into it, not pulling away, as he often did from physical contact.   
  
::'Cause there has always been heartache and pain  
And when it's over you'll breathe again  
You'll breathe again::  
  
"I-I know you're hurting, hermano. I doubt I've ever hurt so much. But that doesn't mean I don't want to try and understand. And someday, what will happen is that you'll tell me everything so that I can understand, and do what I can to help you. And when I have, maybe one day you'll come up to me, and you'll say that you saw the sun come up that day."  
  
::When you feel all alone  
And the world has turned its back on you::  
  
Max moved back slightly from the embrace. Not out of it, but back so he could survey 'Berto's face. He had never heard the young Hispanic man talk that way. He hated himself for making 'Berto feel uncomfortable, for burdening him with all this baggage, which was not his to carry. But what he knew was that then, in Berto's arms, in the middle of the night, he felt closer than he ever had to anyone. Right then, he felt comfortable. And almost, he felt stupid for saying it, but almost loved.  
  
::Give me a moment, please  
To tame your wild, wild heart…::  
  
'Berto looked back at Max, and was surprised that his words had affected him so much. The look in the other man's eyes shone with affection, and almost…almost love.  
  
'Berto smiled softly, and began a sentence.  
  
"Max, I-"  
  
But he never got to finish that sentence, as Max leaned in towards him, and began to kiss him. 'Berto's heart began pounding fiercely in his chest. What was Max doing? Everyone knew that he was interested in Rachel. Or at least they thought he was.   
As the kiss continued, 'Berto stopped any resistance. Max was good at this. Very good. And though 'Berto hadn't kissed all that many women, and never any men before, this kiss, confused as it might be, meant more to him than any had before. He relaxed, and let it happen.   
  
  
::Let me be the one you call  
If you jump, I will break your fall,  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.::  
  
They broke away, and Max looked back at 'Berto with a look that was half apologetic, half sheepish.  
  
"'Berto, I'm sorry."  
  
"Is this what you want, Max?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Did you want that to happen?"  
  
Max looked stunned. "I-I don't know, 'Berto. I'd never really thought about it before."  
  
"What about now?"  
  
He paused. "Yes. I do. Do you?"  
  
'Berto thought about it. Being there with Max, it meant something to him. He couldn't quite name it, but it meant something. Something special. He wanted to be there for him, and to protect him, and he had thought that Max himself was special to him. Then he realised that he loved the young man desperately.  
  
"Yes. I do. Totally."  
  
::If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart.  
If you need to crash,  
Then crash and burn,  
You're not alone.::  
  
Max exhaled loudly, releasing a deep breath that he hadn't realised that he had been holding. 'Berto smiled, and Max slid down from the window ledge, down into 'Berto's arms.   
  
::Let me be the one you call  
If you jump, I will break your fall,  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.::  
  
He curled up into it, and began to cry again. Tears that this time, he couldn't identify. Release, joy, letting go of all his pain. Perhaps all or none of those. 'Berto held onto him tenderly, kissing away his tears.  
  
::If you need to fall apart  
I can mend a broken heart.  
And if you need to crash,  
Then crash and burn,  
You're not alone.::  
  
"Shhh…Max, it's all right. I'm here. And I'm never going to leave you alone, hermano."  
  
::You're not alone.  
No no, you're not alone  
You're not alone.::  
  
Max nodded, and through those tears, he smiled. Because he knew, for once that he wasn't alone. And he knew, deep down in his heart, that he was never going to leave 'Berto alone either.  
  
::And if you need to crash and burn, you're not alone:: 


End file.
